Episode 1 Carrion Hill Chapter 1/Transcript

[Intro Music]

Announcer: This is Loudspeaker.

[Someone panting. Running steps.]

Narrator: The man in front of you catching his breath is Henry Wilson, local resident of Carrion Hill, Alabama. For the past few minutes, he has been chased out of town and onto the premises of an old mining facility nearby. Aside from the music from the local bar, it’s quiet out near the mines. Henry looks around, the “thing” following him seemingly having lost his trail. Suddenly, something lurches out from the shadows and with a large talon, slits Henry’s throat.

[Man gasping in pain.]

Narrator: He struggles to breathe as the monster lurches again.

[Music: Godzilla by Blue Öyster Cult]

[Theme song: Vargtimmen by Da Sein]

Charles: Welcome everybody to the Weird, our new mix-TTRPG-podcast-slash-audio-drama that focuses on comedy and horror. [laughs] I am your--the Director, I am the director, the madman behind this project, Charles Joseph Kelly, and with me I’ve got my cohosts and I’ll let them introduce themselves.

Charles: Nobody? Nobody?

Megan: I just assumed you--I, I don’t know--based on the typical energy, I thought Scottye was gonna take that, but sure. I’m Megan Danger, uh, from podcasts! From various podcasts. Which ones? I don’t know, take your pick. If you listen to Welcome to Night Vale or My Brother, My Brother, and Me, I’m not on either of those.

[Someone says, “oh”]

Megan: But you can pretend I am.

Scottye: I’m your third cohost, Dean Winchester, but you can call me Scottye Moore. I’m also from podcasts.

[Charles interjects with an impression of Dean saying, “Sammy?” over Scottye.]

Scottye: You can hear me from three different episodes of My Brother, My Brother, and Me in the audience. This is the ranking! How many episodes of My Brother, My Brother, and Me have we been in on the audience? [laughing]

Charles: That’s what our show is. That’s all we talk about in this show.

[Laughter]

Charles: Is how often we’re in My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

Scottye: You guys remember when we decided to re-record the intro of the episode because the last time we recorded, it was too ridiculous and weird and so we said, “Let’s rerecord the open so it’s more succinct and calm so people can really get a feel for the show”?

Charles: Jumping from that--nice segway, Scottye--to what the show is. So this is a new TTRPG based off of the play--the Powered by the Apocalypse system, built by yours truly and my wonderful cohosts.

Megan: We wrote a game. By which we mean--I mean, Charles pretty much wrote the game and I helped a little bit.

Scottye: Yeah, and it was very much inspired by Monster of the Week style s--things like that, so you could say this game we’ve created is familiar. But not too familiar.

Charles: Goddammit. Fuck off.

[laughter]

Charles: Fuck off. Goddammit.

Charles: Um, so--

Megan: Wait, we can’t, we can’t talk about it any more, Bean--he’s cancelled, remember?

Charles: Yes. Yeah, Bean Dad has been cancelled.

Scottye: I want my beans!

Charles: Now, we have to remember--

Megan: That’s good.

Charles: This is going to air like, like at least months away from Bean Dad. Like this is like way far past Bean Dad relevance at this point, so um… Okay, so the Weird--

Megan: I was going to say, so we created a monster?

Charles: Yes.

Scottye: His name is Bean Dad and in our first episode we must hunt down the Bean Dad.

[laughter]

Charles: So this first, first arc that we’re telling is all about the Bean Dad, so just be aware of the… the plight of the Bean Dad…

Scottye: So, you know, X-files had the smoking man, we have the Bean Dad

[laughter]

Charles: Um, okay, so! The Weird! What sets it to be a bit different? I just want to just talk about that a little bit. You can listen to the full, full aspect of this in our Episode 0 on Patreon for free. You don’t have to pay for anything. But if you do want to go to our Patreon, there’s a whole, whole bonus episode to project which is about like four hours of extra content just like right off the bat. And it’s awesome, it involves Sasquatchi and a small town in Virginia.

Megan: That does cost money, but the episode 0 is an explanation of our whole kind of ruleset and gameplay, and that is for free. And that’s at Patreon.com/jointheweird?

Charles: Patreon.com/jointheweird, yes. Or you can just go to our website, Jointheweird.com.

Scottye: And you also get to hear explanations for exactly who the hell me and Megan are portraying in this show.

Charles: Yes. So with this project, what sort of separates it a little bit from like, the Monsters of the Week and the other Powered by the Apocalypse games, is kind of a few things. Number one being low magic, so there isn’t really a focus on the players having access to a lot of magical abilities. We do a group leveling system which is pretty interesting. We’ll talk about that more down the road. We have factions, so factions push the story forward. We also do an episodic format. And the other thing is that your goals here aren’t to murder everything like a lot of the Powered by the Apocalypse systems are--

Scottye: Says you!

Charles: This is--okay.

Megan: We’ll be the judge of that.

Charles: Death--yeah once we actually play this episode, we’ll figure out if you guys just like murder the Bean Dad or what have you. But, in this game specifically--

[laughter]

Charles: Like, the goals aren’t to murder Bean Dad. Your goal is to understand Bean Dad and try to solve the mystery instead of to murder the Bean Dad.

Megan: It’s very mystery-focused and, like they said, the big influences are things like X-files, Twin Peaks, and--in fact, it’s very nostalgia-based. It takes place in the--that most mysterious of decades--[whispers] the nineties.

[laughter]

Charles: I do want to say that Scottye bought a shit-ton of Beanie Babies. He’s like, why don’t we just give out some Beanie Babies? You know what people liked in the nineties? [deepens voice] Fuckin’ Beanie Babies, baby.

Megan: They did.

Charles: Yeah, it’s very true.

Megan: It’s not, it’s not yeah untrue. And I think one of the bigger things that makes this an interesting show is, we’re not 100% done with the game yet. You get to help with that!

Charles: Yes!

Megan: Yes, you. Specifically. Not you. You.

Scottye: Not you, Bean Dad. But anyone else.

Megan and Charles together: Fuck you Bean Dad.

Charles: But, yeah, so the members of our Patreon get to help us build out this game as we go and playtest with us. So you are helping us build this game as it goes along. But, in the end, this here, what we are doing with this podcast--this podcast is just us playing the game. The game stuff we’re going to be focusing more on the Patreon stuff.

[Music fades in]

Charles: But, are you guys ready to jump into it? To play--[laughs]

Megan: Yes!

Charles: To play this game?

Megan: We sure are.

Scottye: Yes!

Charles: Okay, so let’s change the mood from us being goofy boys to something that’s a bit more serious.

[Music volume increases, a guitar plucking with a country twang.]

[Music fades. Industrial, echoing banging sounds.]

Charles: To change the mood just slightly. I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Now. Open your eyes. You’re staring down a dark hallway, dimly lit by old light bulbs every 15 feet. Cables reach down into the darkness, pulling something towards you.

[Clanging becomes more frequent.]

Charles: Sound of grinding gears get closer and closer, louder and louder as the cables pull a metal box towards you. Slowly, but consistently, the box gets closer.

[A long pause. Mechanical whirring and squeaks.]

Charles: Suddenly, with a jerk, the box stops 15 feet away from you.

[Ominous noises crescendo, then stop with a ding. Doors slide open. Elevator music begins to play.]

Charles: Two men walk into an empty elevator. Then the doors close. The man on the left is Hal Bishop, a tall, thin CIA agent that prefers to keep to himself unless the mission calls for it. And in the elevator, he is doing just that. The man on the right is Rudy Novarro, front desk receptionist for the Department of Transportation. He’s a shorter, balding man with rounded glasses. He gets mistaken for George Costanza from Seinfeld and if you looked at him, you’d completely agree. The only thing coming through the awkward silence between these two is the awful elevator music that plays above them.

Charles as Rudy: Is this your first day on the gig?

Scottye as Hal: I just kind of stare at the elevator buttons as, like, the, I assume it illuminates what floor we’re on. I just kind of stare at it.

Rudy: Well, uh, y’all are usually a bunch of silent types who go to that office. [under breath] Except for Ash, but that’s a whole other thing, you know, they like to talk a lot. [laughs nervously] A lot, a lot, they like to talk a lot, so uh… Uh. We’ve got another, like, 30 floors here before we get to the top of the building. Um. What about your--where [stammers] where you from? Where you from?

Hal: How much longer do we have?

Rudy: The elevator runs really slow. It’s--we’ve got about another like 25 floors.

Hal: Tall building, I see. Okay.

Rudy: Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty tall. I’m sorry. Am I talking too much? I’ll--I’m so sorry.

Hal: No, no, it’s fine. It’s okay. I just, you know, I wasn’t--I wasn’t expecting this today.

Rudy: I mean, you’ve got classified clearance here.

Hal: Mmhmm.

Rudy: And basically my job here today, and I’m so sorry if I’m pissing you off, my job here today is just to [stammers] to send you off to the Department of Weird and get you all squared away there. And get you all squared away. So I apologize.

Hal: Apology accepted.

Scottye as Hal: I pull out my cell phone. I just start playing games on it. I’m playing Snake on my Nokia.

[Ding!]

Charles: The elevator door opens to the top floor of the Department of Transportation, which even though you’re only looking through the door, you can already tell, it’s busy as people rush by the door. Rudy exits the elevator and Hal follows. They walk down the hallway and they pass a conference room, a nice-sized area where a few agents are enjoying their lunch.

[Muffled conversation and background noise. Footsteps.]

Charles: And an office labelled “Associated Director for Response and Recovery” on a plaque against the wall. Rudy and Hal take a right down another hallway. As they head further down, less and less people pack the space. The end of the hallway gets dimmer as a few of the fluorescent tube lights have burned out.

[Footsteps.]

Charles: We head to the back of the hallway to a room with a plaque with the words “Department of Weird” written on it in Sharpie.

[Music: Jolene by Dolly Parton fades in. Throughout the scene, classic rock plays continually in the background.]

Charles: You can hear somebody singing from the inside.

Megan as Ash, singing: Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene! I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man. Ah! Take it, Greeny!

Megan: And “Greeny” is a massive oversized stuffed little green UFO man, who is leaned against a desk. And it kind of slumps over and falls to the ground. And Ash Delaney is sitting with their feet on their desk and they go,

Megan as Ash: Ah, Greeny! Voice of an angel as always.

Megan: And so Ash is at their desk with this massive stuffed li’l green UFO man, and in this office, where the lights are pretty much just as dim and flickery as the hallway, there is a huge bookcase in the middle that kind of dominates the space that is just overflowing with different books, most of them very old and just kind of dusty and all over the place. And in piles, all the ones that didn’t fit in the bookcase all around it, there are two separate coffee machines. One is a lot older. One looks like the newest brand-new model. Both are currently in use. There’s also a, just like a coffee urn that’s on like it’s own little--

Scottye: Like a burner?

Megan: Yeah, like a burner that’s on--

Scottye: Is it shaped like a human person urn? ‘Cause that feels--

Megan: No, no, no, not like an urn-urn. What do you call like a--

Charles: A coffee, like a coffee pot.

Megan: Yeah, like a coffee pot. Urn is another word for a pot, you weirdo.

Charles: I have never heard a coffee pot be called a coffee urn. I--

Megan: Clearly you don’t drink enough coffee.

[crosstalk and laughter]

Scottye: ...this universe where Delaney has an urn that they drink coffee out of!

Megan: It’s a coffee pot. It’s on a freestanding burner that’s been plugged in. The coffee pot has clearly been stolen from a break room from another part of the building, and it’s sitting on a burner that is resting on an empty desk that is opposite of Delaney’s. And it’s clearly been cleared off from whoever the former occupant is. There are two computers. There's one on the empty desk that’s currently sitting blank. There’s one on Delaney’s desk--obviously they are the newest models but because this is 199--[nonsense syllables to cover up the real year], you know, older computers. Delaney’s has like FreeCell or whatever currently on it. There is a skull that is sitting on what looks like a filing cabinet that is also overflowing with just a mess of files that maybe is in some kind of order, but the order is not known to any person except probably Delaney. The skull is not a human skull. If you had to guess, it looks like something human-adjacent, but the teeth are all wrong. And the final thing you notice dominating the space are huge posters of Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton and--

[laughter]

Scottye: Yes.

Megan: And, oh god, I had it, I had it and I lost it--

Scottye(?): Kenny Rogers.

Megan: David Burn. No, David Burn.

Scottye: I was hoping Kenny Rogers.

Megan: No, Dolly Parton and, Dolly Parton and David Burn and the various talking heads.

Charles: Rudy kind of knocks on the door and says,

Charles as Rudy: Um, ah, Agent Delaney, um, this, this here--

Megan as Ash: Rudy, oh! Is that my take-out here? I’ve got some twenties on the other desk. You can just tell them they can keep the change. And they’d better have both the crab rangoons I ordered this time!

Rudy: No… No, Agent Delaney, this is your, your new um, your “partner”? This is uh…

Ash: My what now?

Rudy: Yeah, you didn’t get the memo?

Ash: I’ve got a perfectly good partner right here.

Megan: And they grab the stuffed alien.

Ash: Greeny here is loyal and true and has the most incredible singing voice you will ever hear in a dog’s age. Now where’s my take-out, Rudy? I swear to God, if one of the bastards on the fifteenth floor stole it again, I will go down there and I will smash their skull against the ground if I have to.

Hal: Okay. But, things seem clear here. They already have a partner. I can bolt back to the CIA, perfectly fine. I understand the mix-up. Seems their partner’s already in there, so I’m gonna head out.

Charles: And then Rudy kind of grabs Hal and pulls Hal into the room. There’s a lot more strength with this small man than you expect.

[laughter]

Charles: So he pulls, he whips you in.

Rudy: Agent Delaney, this is Agent Bishop. Hal Bishop. He is your new partner here at the Department of Transportation. He’s gonna be working cases with you. And yeah! So that’s why he’s here today to uh, help you with your--the p--the problems that you run into where we--the cops get called on you for some of the stuff--you know that part where you say weird stuff on the road and people think that you’re doing illegal things? You know, that part?

Ash: It’s not--okay. That’s happened like, twice? Maybe? Look. Rudy, I’ll make a deal with you. You find my take-out and I’ll take Hal. How about that?

Hal: Please--

Charles: Rudy just salutes and walks out of the room.

Ash: A deal’s a deal.

[Hal sighs.]

Ash: Well, you’re a big boy, aren’t ya, Hal? They’re growing them big down in Langley now.

Hal: I do what I can. So this is the proverbial “Department of Weird”? It’s just one office? I don’t think that’s a Department. It seems like you’re just a person.

Ash: I mean, you know. Efficiency. I’m all they need. I’m a department of one. I mean, also it’s kind of a… necessity I suppose. My last partner kind of went to pieces, so to speak. That was Sarah Waterson. After we ran into a telekinetic down in Louisiana. She--

Hal: Wait, wait.

Ash: She went a little bit--a little bit insane--

Hal: Wait, I’m sorry, could you just--

Ash: And then of course, before that there was Davis...

Hal: Wait, no no no, go back to the beginning. Did you--

Ash: Davis went to pieces in a little bit more of an unfortunately literal--

Hal: Agent Delaney. Agent Delaney!

Scottye: And I just shake. I shake.

Ash: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Buy me dinner first, there, son!

Hal: What did you just say?

Ash: What was your name again, big boy?

Hal: Agent Hal Bishop, CIA, nice to meet you. Did you say [laughing in disbelief] telekinetic?

Ash: Yes. That means “moving things with their mind.”

Hal: Yeah I know--

Ash: Sometimes you boys from the CIA are a little bit slow. I know that those five-dollar words tend to trip you up every now and again.

Hal: No, I know what a telekinetic is. I also know that it’s a complete and total fiction. I’ve read about them before. What are you talking--is this s--okay, level with me. Is this some sort of scam you’re running here? I mean, telekinetics are not real.

Ash: Ohhh. This is gonna be Sarah Waterson all over again, isn’t it? Okay.

Hal: So, I just, I assume, this desk is mine over here? I’ll get to work. Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it. [tired sigh]

Scottye: And I walk over to the desk and attempt to steal the 20 dollars that Delaney had left out.

Ash: Okay, give me back my money, now that was--

Charles: Now hold on. Hold up. [snapping] We’re gonna cut back a little bit.

Megan: Oh, yeah.

Charles: This is, in fact, a TTRPG. So when you say shit like that, that you’re going to steal, you have to roll for it.

[laughter]

Charles: So I am going to make you roll for the first roll of this game.

Scottye: Alright!

Charles in a deep announcer voice: So the first roll of the game…

Scottye: The first roll of the game is to steal money from my partner!

Megan: Little bastard!

[laughter, dice rolling]

Charles: So this is a “con” roll. It’s the move “steal.” So…

Megan: Damn, you’ve got a plus-2 to that, you little monster.

[laughter]

Charles: So whenever you make an attempt to steal something without being seen, roll “con.” At 10-plus, you easily complete this with nobody noticing. 7 to 9, you’re able to obtain the item but the person that you’re stealing from knows and it now must be dealt with. Anything lower, it doesn’t happen.

Scottye: I rolled an 8 plus 2, so a 10?

[laughter, clapping]

Megan: You fucker!

Scottye: First roll of the game, that’s a success! Good omens, baby! So yeah, I sit down and type away at the keyboard and slide a hand forward onto the stack of 20s, pull them back, and pocket them.

Megan: I guess Delaney’s back is turned.

[laughter]

Megan as Ash: So how recently did you graduate?

Hal: About 3 years ago. 3 years ago it was.

Ash: So what’d you do to end up here in those 3 years?

Hal: Really wish I could tell you, but I just kind of showed up today, and they said, “You’re going to be reporting to the Department of Weird.” Which, not exactly what I was expecting when arriving here. But yeah, I’ve been working with the CIA for about 3 years. Work’s been getting slow for the past couple of months, so they told me to report here, I assumed to pick up my own Lambo or perhaps a Ferrari, and instead I get told I’m reporting to you. So I’m not exactly sure what’s going on. I don’t know if this is a prank. Maybe this is a goof that they’re pulling on me. But, yeah, that’s why I’m here.

Ash: Well. Could always use a fresh face, more chum in the water, so to speak. Another Sarah Waterson… another Davis McKinney… another Carly Toledo… oof, man, we were scraping her off the sidewalk for, like, three days. [groan]

Hal: So you’re saying I should be out of here in like six months? Seems like there’s pretty quick turnaround here. I should be back at the CIA in no time?

[laughter]

Ash: Uh… Yeah! You’ll be out of here. One way or another. More than likely, with your disposition.

Hal: Well, that’s good to hear. Excellent. So what report--do you need me to top off any reports, any paperwork, what have I got to do here?

Ash: No, no, we’re going out into the field! You’re gonna get your feet wet, Bishop!

Hal: Oh, okay.

Ash: This is a very hands-on job, you’ll find.

Hal: Okay, good, I’ll be honest with you. Paperwork was all they had me do back at the CIA, so I’m actually excited to go out on the field. What do you do exactly here?

Ash: All kinds of things. Mostly retrieval, investigation, a lot of investig--a lot of research, very hands-on. A lot of talking to people. Would you consider yourself a “people person,” Hal?

Hal: I… well. People think I’m a people person, I guess. It’s one of the skills I developed at the CIA. I’m very good with people, mostly because I’m not a fan of them, so that means I can actually lie, get information out of them, manipulate them because… because that’s one of my trained skill sets that they trained me at the CIA. I’m very good with people. I don’t like them, though.

Ash: That was a much longer answer than I needed. You could have just said “yes” or “no.”

Hal: Mm… but it’s more complicated. I guess yes. Yes.

Ash: Alright, that’s fantastic, because we’re going to be doing a lot of that. The people around here seem to think that I need a babysitter when it comes to people, and that’s annoying, but you know what? It sounds like you’re going to be good at that. So you know, if I’m gonna be saddled with someone who may not take this job as seriously as I would like, they may as well do their intended purpose. But you know what? We’re gonna have fun! We’re gonna have fun here together, Hal, you and I, for as long as you may be in this position. We’re gonna have a great time. So! [clap] Let’s get out of here. Let’s get ready to go. I just got one question for you before we head out and see what you’re gonna be driving here for the Department of Transportation.

Hal: Oh, so I do get a car! Okay, good. I was hoping for a Lambo. I don’t know what they’ve got available, but I’m sure this seems like a very high level organization. Not just because it’s high up in the building. But seems like with such a high level organization, we should have a decent vehicle, right?

Ash: Hal, you said you’ve worked for the government for 3 years. I really would think you’d know better than that. But anyway, here’s my question for you. Are you a fan of the Michael Crichton novel Jurassic Park?

Charles: Ash leads Hal outside of the office and they walk down the hallway and as they do, Rudy comes back in with the delivery driver and says,

Charles as Rudy: Hey Ash?

Charles: (You’re gone at this point, mind you.)

Rudy: Ash? Ash, your delivery--your food’s here, uh…

Charles: He looks around for the cash to pay for the food and he says,

Rudy: Ah, dammit. Not again.

Charles: And he has to pull out his wallet and pay the guy the food and says,

Rudy: [sadly] Here you go, here’s your money. Keep the change.

Scottye: We’re completely gone at this point, right?

Charles: Oh, 100 percent, 100 percent.

[crosstalk]

Charles: Your actions have consequences. Now he’s pissed off.

Megan: This is not okay. And those were my actions!

[laughter]

Charles: You both find yourselves leaving the office. You head down the elevator into the garage where there’s this big security desk where--security building where they check out all the cars. You walk up to it and the individual sitting inside, Chris Hardy, she looks at you and she says,

Charles as Chris: Hi folks. You here to pick up a vehicle?

Hal: That we are. Hi. Special agent Hal Bishop, nice to meet you. We were here to pick up a vehicle for the Department of Weird? Yeah, I know, it’s a terrible name. But yeah, we’re here to pick up our assigned vehicle, thank you.

Chris: Wonderful. I’m gonna check in on that.

Charles: She clacks away at her keyboard a little bit.

[typing]

Megan: Delaney’s just standing back, kind of letting this play out because they know how it’s gonna go. They’re just kind of hands-off on this one.

Chris: Alright, so your car will be here in a couple minutes. Hey, uh, Dave? Here’s the keys to the car, can you go pick it up? Thanks.

Charles: And Dave, the assistant, goes to go pick up the vehicle as you two are just standing there awkwardly with each other.

Hal: You’re a legend, Dave! Thank you.

Ash: How’s it going, Chris?

Chris: Good. You know. It’s Monday. You know how I feel about Mondays. You know how Garfield feels about Mondays. Did you see the one this week?

Ash: I don’t read the newspapers. I mean, occasionally I’ll check the obituaries to see if someone died in a particularly fascinating or obscure way, but otherwise, I don’t find them particularly compelling.

Charles: Chris goes,

Chris: Uh-huh.

Charles: And she looks at Hal.

Chris: How are you enjoying your new job?

Charles: …with clenched teeth after, this is the kind of shit that Chris deals with with talking to Ash, always.

Hal: Well, I am certainly here for this job. And take of that what you will.

Chris: Sounds like the usual thing with the Department of Weird.

Hal: Yeah, well they were actually telling me that they’ve gone through quite a few assistants throughout their day. Is that--I’m sorry--is that what I have to call myself? Am I an assistant? Or can I at least call myself an agent? You know, the thing I was trained for?

Ash: [slowly, making it up] No, yes, you’re an “assistant” until I decide that you’ve earned the rank of “partner.” Yup. That’s how it always goes. Yup. Those are the rules. Mhm. You figured it out.

Scottye: I turn back to Chris.

Hal to Chris: Are they lying right now?

Chris: ...Dave! Dave!

[laughter]

Charles: And the car pulls up, and you can hear it. And I mean you can hear the engine struggling as it pulls up. You hear the brakes squeal. The rest of the vehicles that are pulled out of this space are that nice black sheen, this one has one single door that’s a nice yellow color.

[Megan laughs. Scottye groans.]

Charles: As well as the rest of the vehicle is painted with primer.

Scottye: The ugliest orange?

Charles: Yes. It’s disgusting. Tires are [?], you hear the brakes squeal, you hear everything else. Dave struggles to get the door open and as he does, you hear the engine kick back once.

[Car door groans. Engine kicks]

Charles: And he’s like,

Charles as Dave: Alright, here’s yer car.

Charles: And he tosses Hal the keys to the Ford Fiesta.

[laughter]

Scottye: I assume Dave comes back in, throws me the keys, and I go,

Hal: Thank you very much.

Scottye: And then I turn around.

Hal: Is the car, is it behind the Ford Fiesta? I’m sorry, is it parked perhaps a little farther away? I don’t see my car.

Chris: For the--

Charles: Chris kind of interrupts you.

Chris: For the less important jobs here at the Department of Transportation, including the Department of Weird, we offer still-cars, but unfortunately we cannot offer--

Hal: That’s generous! That is generous, calling that a car. That is a fire waiting to happen.

Chris: [faraway] Dave, it’s time for lunch, right?

Charles: And Chris stands up and Chris and Dave head out of the room. Puts a sign in the door, says “Will be back in 30” and walks off towards their lunchroom.

Hal: 4 years of special training. For this. For a Ford Fiesta. Are there any cliffs nearby that I can drive this off of?

Ash: The nearest one is probably at least an hour and a half away. But we’ll see if we can find any on the way to Alabama.

Hal: [disbelief] Where?!

Ash: Alabama. That’s where we’re going.

Hal: [sounding unwell] Oh...kay… Let’s go…

Ash: You thought we were getting a lamborghini. That’s adorable.

[Music fades in. It’s a strumming beat with a strong bassline.]

[Country music interrupts. The music fades into the background noise of radio music.]

Scottye: I’m David Lynch here to tell you about Squarespace!

[laughter]

Charles: So the Ford Fiesta drives off and you are now on your way to Alabama. Which, from Washington DC, the home of the Department of Transportation, is a significant drive. I am worried a little bit about the Ford Fiesta nt making it all the way. However, we did do a whole rolling in our test episode, which you can listen to on Patreon, but you can listen to our test episode where they do break down. This time, they make it to Alabama. So as they have driven together, I’m guessing basically in silence, from DC to Alabama, which I’m going to real quick--

Scottye: Hal is chain-smoking the whole way there. Hal is done.

Megan: Ash doesn’t do anything in silence.

Charles: It is a 12 hour drive. So, 2 full days of driving.

Megan: Ooh.

Charles: Or do you guys just do it in one go?

Scottye: I think Hal wants to do this in one go. I think Hal wants this to be over ASAP.

Charles: I think we have left Atlanta, right, so you have driven outside of Atlanta, got gas outside of Atlanta, and driven down through Georgia and into Alabama at this point.

Scottye: So we’ve passed my home! We passed through my home on the way over.

Charles: Hm. So with that too, I think Ash tries to have a conversation at this point with Hal.

Hal: So I’m not seeing a lot of government official buildings here. Where exactly are we going for this?

Ash: We’re going to a little place called Carrion Hill. It’s about a half-hour outside of Burmingham. According to the dossier notes--okay, hang on--where are the--[mutters] map? No, that’s a… yesterday’s newspaper, that’s--oh, wait, that’s part of a play that I’ve been working on. It’s about this thing called the lovely frog. It’s gonna be a musical.

Hal: Focus up please. What’s the mission?

Ash: This is supposed to be a fun drive, remember? Anyway, from what I was told in the dossier, a jogger was murdered and local law enforcement thinks that it’s some kind of big bird. Like a vulture or an eagle. [Laughs] Which is really silly if you think about it. Like yeah, a vulture swooped down and just murdered a jogger. Kind of gives you a giggle if you think about it. But there were tracks around that were way too big to be a bird. Like actual tracks on the ground, like something was on foot. Which is pretty weird, right? And there’s also another thing to keep in mind about this area is… lots of dino bones around.

Hal: O--okay! This seems like it’s an animal control issue. This doesn’t exactly seem like it’s our--well, I don’t know what exactly our territory is. Is that what we do, is hunt animals? I don’t understand.

Ash: Our territory is anything outside the norm, Hal.

Hal: [sarcastically] Okay.

Ash: And we really don’t “hunt.” Well, hm. I mean I guess we hunt if it starts doing like a hunting thing? We research. We--we take a look around, we talk to some people, we examine things, a lot of times there’s nothing there, or it’s some kids with some really big footprint toys and a camera and some strobe lights, and they knock you over and they kick you in the ribs a lot…

[muffled laughter]

Ash: But sometimes, it’s a really big monster with wings and claws and telekinetic abilities and they throw you against a wall and they knock you out and they kick you in the ribs a lot… But if you can capture it, then you bring it back to the facility and you can put it in a big holding area and you can ask it a lot of questions. And sometimes you can play bridge with it, and it’s a very good bridge partner and its name is Steve.

Hal: So this is all bullshit. Good. Thank you.

Scottye: And I continue driving.

Ash: Did they brief you on anything, Hal, or did they just send you to my office?

Hal: The first I heard about the Department was the instant I walked through and heard you attempting to sing “Jole--” Who sings that, by the way?

Ash: [speechless for a moment] Are you serious?

Hal: Yeah. Who sings “Jolene”?

Ash: Dolly Parton! Hal!

Hal: Well, how ‘bout we keep it that way in the future. Anyways…

[clapping]

Charles: This is Charles slow-clapping to build to a ravenous applause for that joke. Congratulations. That was beautiful.

Megan: That was so good…. That was so good.

[laughter]

Megan: Delaney kind of sinks into their chair a little bit.

Hal: So, Carrion Hill. That’s it?

Ash: Yep, Carrion Hill, just follow the line on the map.

Hal: I’m on it.

Charles: Alright, so you both make your way through Alabama. And at this point, it’s silent the rest of the way until you get into the town of Carrion Hill. ‘Cause that one bit, it was just too much for you.

Megan: That was so funny.

Charles: But as soon as you pull into town, you--it’s a very small town, it’s got a population of like, 2000 people altogether. You drive in and it’s basically maybe 3 different neighborhoods, 2 on the right, 1 on the left, with maybe about 10 streets each for each neighborhood. But the biggest thing that you notice is that there are more churches in this town than restaurants. There are about 10 different churches as you drive through here--

Scottye: Yeah, but this is Alabama.

Charles: There is in fact 2 restaurants and 1 gas station in this town. 10 churches, 2 restaurants, 1 gas station. So you drive into town and one other piece of information that you weren’t given in the dossier but you have, is that you do have an archaeologist--a paleontologist, I apologize for all you fucking nerds out there. A paleontologist who is your contact in this town, Oscar Cooper, and Oscar Cooper is the individual who contacted you all about the events here--is your contact person because they’re also intrigued by everything that’s going on here with the dinosaurs, and also believes that there are in fact dinosaurs here.

Scottye: So we’re going to meet Agent Cooper.

Megan: Doctor Cooper.

Scottye: [laughs] Dr. Cooper.

Megan: Oscar Cooper, that’s a great name.

Scottye: Anyways, so we go meet Agent Cooper.

Charles: Doctor Cooper. So you have a cell phone so you have contacted this Dr. Cooper beforehand--

Scottye: Yes.

Megan: Uh-oh. I don’t have a cell phone. Hal has the cell phone.

Scottye: Yeah, I just hand it--

[crosstalk]

Megan: Because we have… Should we say what’s in our inventory? Our personal inventories?

Charles: Yeah, I think that now we’ve done a lot of character stuff, we should talk about what you guys have and everything there and we can talk about different moves as they pop up.

Megan: Yeah, so, we had starting items that we could choose from. Technically we both could have had phones, but I thought--we both thought that it would be funnier if only one of us had a phone and we had to work around that. I have an EMF reader and a digital camera and a med kit, because both of us are bad at fighting, so that seemed like a smart thing to do. What do you have, Hal?

Scottye: I have a gun with one bullet saved for a special--[laughs] No, I have a silent pistol, a cell phone, and a Ford fuckin’ Fiesta I guess.

[laughter]

Ash: Hal, you wouldn’t happen to have a cell phone on you, would you?

Hal: Yeah, I have my cell phone. It’s mine.

Ash: I need to call our contact here real quick. Can I just borrow that real fast?

Hal: Well, I can pull over if you’d like and you can go use a pay phone.

Ash: If you have a phone, I just really need--really quickly. I don’t carry a phone on me because you can be tracked through that. If I could just use your phone real fast. As my assistant, if I could just--c’mon--phone please. 2 seconds:

Hal: [groans] Fine. Clean it afterwards.

Ash: Thank you--I was gonna--

Megan: Delaney was gonna say “thank you” but they cut themselves off as soon as you say that.

[laughter]

Megan: And Delaney calls Dr. Cooper. I don’t know if you think that’s a conversation worth having or if we just cut to…

Charles: In this situation, I don’t think it’s like, [weird, crotchety voice] “Hey, it’s me, Dr. Cooper! I want you to go over to this restaurant…”

Megan: Yeah.

Charles: So Dr. Cooper has held up himself as, right now, inside of a restaurant. One of the two restaurants in town. One that has a name but the other one is just called “The Pizza Bar.” They serve pizza and it’s also a bar. So he’s kind of holed himself up there in one of the booths inside the Pizza Bar. He tells you this and he directs you into town to meet there. I think you both make your way into town, you drive past the 10 churches--9, there’s 1 on the outskirts of town. You don’t see that tenth one.

[laughter]

Megan: Important distinction.

Charles: Right, exactly. But you do make your way to the Pizza Bar which is across the street from the gas station. There’s a bunch of children playing in the road when you get there, which seems weird, but as you pull out, you can see that your car is the only one who has passed through in probably an hour. So it does seem perfectly fine to be playing in the middle of the road.

[Scraping noise. Car door slams shut.]

Charles: So I think at this point, what do you guys-- do you have a conversation beforehand, do you walk into the building? What happens here?

Megan: I think we just go in.

[Door opens]

Charles: Perfect.

Scottye: Ye’.

Charles: Awesome. You can see the checkered floor inside of the building. It’s really dark, very moody lighting. There is over to the right--

Megan: It’s a sexy pizza bar?!

Scottye: There’s powerful--

Charles: Yes--

Scottye: There’s powerful bisexual lighting over Dr. Cooper.

[laughter]

Charles: Yes. In fact, I was just thinking of my memories of going to Pizza Hut as a child and how like, innately sexual Pizza Hut used to be in the nineties.

Scottye: Yeah. Oh, it still is!

Megan: The inherent eroticism of 90’s Pizza Hut.

[laughter]

Charles: Yeah, yeah, so that’s what I was picturing there. You see the, over to the right is where you order pizza, where they cook all the pizzas. Over to the left is where they have the bar. And talking about the innate sexuality of this building, the bartender is just like getting into a glass as he wipes it down. Just like, getting in there, just like full on fisting this cup as he cleans it.

[laughter]

Charles: And you don’t feel good about it.

Megan: I hate this.

Charles: So, and off to, as you turn toward the bar off to your left, there’s booths. And most of them are empty, there’s an old couple seated closer to the bar in one of the booths. The one that’s a little bit closer to you is filled with stacks of paper. There’s a map laying on it and you can see a tall blond gentleman who is just sitting at the table, reading through his papers, disorganized. He points at you. You guys have never seen each other before, but he just like,

Charles as gentleman: Ohp, Agent Delaney?

Scottye: This is great for an audio medium.

Megan: Yeah, everybody can see--

Scottye: Charles is pointing.

Megan: Charles is squinting and pointing.

Charles: I did explain! I did explain, he’s just looking--he looks at you and he’s pointing, trying to think about if it’s you. That awkward moment if you’ve never met somebody before and being like, “Oh, is it, it’s, is this the right person?”

Gentleman: Agent Delaney, is that you?

Ash: Yes. Dr. Cooper?

Dr. Cooper: Yeah, yeah, come on, sit down, both of you. Come on, both of you, sit down, Sit down. Come on. Sit down.

Charles: He says it a little bit too much. He says, “come on and sit down.” Even when you sit down, he’s still kind of like:

Dr. Cooper: Sit down! Sit down.

Ash: Hello! Dr. Cooper, this is my new--[stammers] sis, part… cis.. Assispart… Assisted partner! Agent, agent Bishop.

Dr. Cooper: Agent Bishop, nice to meet you.

Charles: He reaches out a hand to shake.

Hal: Yes, I’m certainly meeting you! And you may perceive it as nice. Yes. Thank you.

Dr. Cooper: So, well, welcome to Carrion Hill. I’m really excited about this. Dinosaurs! Am I right?

Ash: I know! It’s a… it could potentially be extremely interesting and very exciting. Have there been any new developments since last we spoke?

Dr. Cooper: Hm… I mean, here’s the problem that I’m running into. Maybe y’all can help me out with this one, but… they don’t really like people of authority here. So when I mentioned who I was, they immediately kinda turned me away. They weren’t really willing to talk to me so I’m hoping that you all can figure out something to do there.

Ash: Hm. So. Deep cover it is.

Dr. Cooper: Yeah! I mean, if you want.

Hal: So, wait, the thing we went to school for for years--I assume you as well--to give us authority in these situations, they’re just not “down” with that? Or… what is it.

Ash: Hal! Nobody trusts the government. I don’t even trust the government.

Hal: Fair. Fair. So who do we need to contact?

Dr. Cooper: I mean honestly? Getting any kind of information about the people here… You can ask the sexy bartender over there, you can ask the pizza guy. Whoever you want to talk to. I think we can probably just start from there. But nobody wants to talk to me.

Hal: Are any of these policemen here at this bar right now? Seems like a small town so I assume that this would be one of their haunts.

Charles: Actually, I do want you to roll for this.

Ash: Weird, they won’t even--you’re just like--a paleontologist. You’re not even like Johnny Law.

Charles: Right. So actually I’m gonna have Hal roll for this one. Ash, what I’ll have you do is find something else to roll for and then we can probably...

Megan: Yeah, because I’m probably gonna go maybe look, if you’re gonna talk to people, maybe I’m gonna go look at--or I’m gonna ask where the thing was. Or something. Or I don’t know if we don’t want to split up.

Scottye: Yeah. Well, I rolled a 7 plus 1 for my “pry,” which of course is our investigative skill, and so that’s an 8.

Charles: So you get to answer one of the questions: “Where would I find blank,” “how secure is blank,” “who or what is related to blank,” “who owned or employed blank,” “who or what is blank most valuable to,” “what is the relationship between blank and blank?”

Hal: Where would I find the people with information?

Charles: Where is Hal from?

Scottye: Chicago.

Charles: From your experience at the CIA, I think the biggest thing that you know is, in smaller towns there’s a few people in charge. Number one, people who work at the church are usually the people who are in charge of the town. There are 10 different churches to choose from, so with that, I’m sure you can probably get more information from somebody who’s at one of those churches. There is kind of a small mayor building that’s in town that you can go to for information. Or, honestly, talking to the bartender because he sees everybody in town may also be a good choice. And that’s the information that you have from there.

Hal: Agent Delaney? What’s our policies on drinking on the job?

Ash: We don’t really--I mean, probably whatever the government is. My personal policy is that I don’t have a policy about things. It’s whatever gets us closer to what we’re trying to do.

Hal: Excellent.

Ash: You gonna go be a naughty drinky boy there, Hal?

Hal: I am!

Scottye: Now I have a question for Charles. Given this is a pizza place. Normal drinks, I assume, are out for you to get yourself--in other words, there is a massive sweet tea jug that you can pour your beverage from and stuff like that.

Charles: Right. You can see that. However, it’s very important to understand the bar side of things. Normally when you go to a bar, you see a bunch of different varieties of alcohol. This bar specifically, it being such a small town, you see one bottle of vodka, one bottle of whiskey, one bottle of gin. That’s it. Maybe some mixers in a fridge next to it but it’s not very well-stocked.

Scottye: So that’s all I need. That’s all I need.

Charles: Yeah.

Scottye: I go up to the bar.

Hal: Um hi, yeah, pardon me. Can I get a drink?

Bartender: Yes, of course.

Charles: And he’s just still cleaning that class.

Bartender: Wohp, what can I get for ya?

Hal: You are wrist deep in that glass, huh?

Bartender: Yep.

Hal: Can I get a double of your strongest whiskey?

Bartender: Yeah, we’ve got Jack. That’s about it. That’s pretty strong. That work?

Hal: Alright. That will--that is more than what I need.

Bartender: Sounds good.

Charles: So he just pours you a double.

Bartender: You want anything to mix with it? You want anything? Or on ice? Anything?

Hal: Oh, no no no. I am Irish by trade, so obviously, just a full glass if you don’t mind.

Bartender: Alright, well… Hal, here you go. Enjoy.

Hal: Thank you. We’re celebrating tonight. We’re actually celebrating a big promotion at work.

Bartender: Oh, congrats! Where do you folks work?

Hal: We work at an office out in Birmingham, one of the marketing offices. Yeah. We are more than excited. This gives us so much more stuff to do out there.

Bartender: Nice. Congrats. What brings you out to Carrion Hill here?

Hal: Well, we heard so much about the Pizza Bar. We love this concept. ‘Cause like, what’s everyone’s two favorite things? Pizza! And Bar! And you guys, I mean, you mixed it together. This is amazing.

Bartender: Thank you, thank you. You know, the owners came up with the idea because they agree with you 100 percent, you know. Pizza and alcohol mix really well. Why not have the two things that people want? Perfect, yeah.

Hal: Yeah, exactly. So I’m actually going to--I’ll be right back, I’m going back to the celebration, but me and you, we’re gonna have a chat later.

Bartender: Sounds good. I’ll be here. I’m here all night.

Scottye: As I make my way back to the table, I stop by the sweet tea, pour out the whiskey, and then fill it back up with sweet tea. And then I just take it like a shot.

Charles: The bartender looks at you and gives you another thumbs up.

Scottye: What--no, I don’t want him to see what I’m doing! [laughs] Or does he just see me take the shot of whatever-it-is?

Charles: Yeah, he sees you take the shot of the iced tea. He doesn’t see you pour it out. And while this is happening, what’s Agent Delaney doing?

Megan: Delaney’s gone.

Charles: Delaney just leaves?

Megan: Yep.

Charles: Where has Delaney gone?

[A clunk. Laughter.]

Hal: What have you done to me?

Ash: Bye!

[laughter]

Megan: Delaney is going to the site to investigate.

Charles: Okay.

Megan: I would like to roll for… where’d it go…

Charles: How do you get there? I need to know. Did you try stealing the keys? To the Fiesta?

Megan: No! You keep saying how small this place is. Imma just walk there.

Charles: Yeah, you can just walk there. You can just walk there [indistinct]

Megan: I’m just walking there. I want to explore the site and I want to use my--where did this?--I want to research because I want to use my already-inherent knowledge. I can’t think of the word now.

Charles: Like learned knowledge?

Megan: Yeah, that I already got. To see what I can glean before I actually have to talk to another human being or… well, I’m gonna let Bishop maybe get us an in to maybe look at the body or something like that.

Charles: Right. So are you--okay--

Megan: I’m not wasting time talking to other humans or whatever subterfuge. Imma let Bishop be--go with his intricate dance here. [laughs]

Charles: Right. So we cut to Agent Delaney who is walking towards the site of where this happened. Now where this actually happened is right outside of town. Carrion Hill is known to be a mining town, which is where they found a lot of the bones. Right, so they did a lot of digging back in the day, a ways back.

[Footsteps crunching.]

Charles: You know what? No. I’m not gonna tell you this information. Fuck you! You have to find it out in the moment. You have to ask for this. I’m not gonna give it to you, you motherfuckers.

[Megan laughs]

Charles: So you don’t have evidence yet.

Megan: Right.

Charles: So research is not the option here. You can investigate or you can assess, but because you don’t have a piece of evidence yet, research is specifically for that, when you’re doing research on a particular piece of evidence. So you don’t have that yet.

Megan: Fair enough. I’m learning.

Charles: I think you’re--[mimics] “You’re learning!” What do you want to do, I think is the question. You’re heading towards the crime scene.

Megan: Yeah, I want to go to the crime scene. And I want to learn what I can from it, see if there’s anything--see what I can see that’s out of the ordinary and if I can find evidence that I can apply my learned knowledge to.

Charles: Right. So the crime happened--and this is information that you’ve been given before--on an older mining site. It’s still fenced-off, this mining site. However, people can access it very easily, like there’s an open fence, totally fine. It’s right south of town and up a hill, is basically all you need to do.

Megan: And also I do have my camera so I can take pictures of everything.

Charles: Yes. Cool. Yeah. So I think, what do you want to--do you want to roll “assess” or do you want to roll “investigate”? I think that both are…

Megan: Let me look at our potential questions if I roll good and see which ones will be more useful for me.

Scottye: Charles, can I ask, can I have a flask?

Charles: Just for character-based stuff or are you gonna use it in the game?

Scottye: I’m gonna use it. My plan is, fill the flask with sweet tea every time I get whiskey, abscond with whiskey somehow, refill with sweet tea, and keep chugging this quote-unquote “liquor,” so now I no longer seem like a government agent. I seem like a drunken bar patron. Which should endear me a bit more to the bartender.

Charles: I like this. I’m gonna give you, as a roleplaying item, I’m gonna give you that flask. I’m gonna say yes.

Scottye: Yeah!

Charles: I suppose you can have a flask. But that also means that Agent Delaney gets to have a roleplaying item, like a laser-barrage cannon or whatever the fuck that you’re gonna decide.

[laughter]

Megan: I thought we were supposed to be mean in this game. You’re a big softie.

Charles: I’m a big old softie.

Megan: You are.

Charles: This is also episode one.

Megan: I could be such a dick right now. [laughs]

Scottye: Oh, if I didn’t get that flask, I was gonna figure something out! Like just have a cup--

Megan: See, that’s the thing, I want to see what you would figure out. Alright, um--

Scottye: Styrofoam cup filled with sweet tea held between my legs.

Megan: See, “research,” the rolls I would get with research make way more sense here. But I guess I have to find evidence first.

Charles: Right.

Megan: “Assess” doesn’t make the most sense. So I guess “investigate.” “Assess” is more, “oh no, something’s--am I entering a dangerous situation, is something going to kill me?” So. Investigate makes more sense. So I guess [singing] Imma roll to investigate.

Scottye: Yeah, “investigate” makes more sense for investigate something. I think.

Megan: You know what? Go drink your sweet tea.

Hal: [slurring] This is the strongest shit ever…

Megan: Alright. [singing] I have rolled… crap. I have rolled a 5 plus 1 is a 6. Oops.

Charles: Alright, that is complete failure.

Megan: Oops!

Charles: That means that I get to take a hard move against you.

Ash: [laughs] This sure is a crime scene!

[Bird chirping fades in]

Charles: Yes. No. So you make your way, Ash makes their way into the mining field, and as--you were given this information by Dr. Cooper--you’re just making your way inside. Basically about 20 feet in, like right off the bat, you start to see light billowing over the side as you hear this low hum. I don’t know, you probably think it’s like fucking aliens or some shit. But this seems like--

[Staticky hum]

Megan: I’m not an idiot! Jesus!

[laughter]

Charles: But it’s like the X-files, where you think something’s gonna happen, something mysterious. But then it’s just, two cars blast over the side of the hill and surround you as a few security guards for this establishment draw their--get out of the vehicle really quick, draw their weapons on you, and say,

Guard on loudspeaker: Get down on the floor. Please. Please get down on the floor.

Charles: And as soon as this happens, we cut back to Agent Bishop inside of the bar. Have you realized that Delaney is gone at this point?

Scottye: No, ‘cause I think now that I have the flask, I’ve gotta kinda retcon a little bit and say that I don’t return with the whiskey glass. Say I just go to the bar, get the whiskey, dump it, replace it with sweet tea right there. So no, instead, what you cut back to is

Hal: [slurring] Look man, I’m tell you, people think that I’m just a sp--a big town guy coming from Birmingham, it’s like a marketing whatever, but like. I don’t know, I like this small town vibe. I like this--I mean, you guys know what’s right here in Carrion Hill. You got all that’s important in life. Pizza. Bar. And Jesus. And that’s all this town has. It’s so quiet. ‘S big town life is crazy. Like it’s quiet here. Like I bet nothin’ bad ever happens here.

Bartender: I mean, somebody just was murdered the other day.

Hal: I--what?

Bartender: So, like, things happen. Yeah, big ol’ bird came down and killed somebody apparently. [laughs]

Hal: Wait, hold on, I don’t mean to laugh, ‘cause a person is dead, but--a bird? [laughs]

Bartender: Yeah.

Hal: Like how big? It doesn’t seem like--we don’t get big birds around here.

[Theme music fades in]

Bartender: Yeah, so, word around the campfire is, one of the church-goers, I forget his name, who was pulling up Fantasy Name Generator… it was Henry Wilson. Henry Wilson. Kind of a name here in town. Was going for a nice little walk there and found his way into the old mines that they’re not really doing anything with nowadays. Ended up just… right, right… just ended up getting attacked by a giant bird. [Scoffs] Like an eagle or some vulture or some shit.

Hal: Oh yeah, if you asked me--if you asked me, that doesn’t sound like murder. ‘Cause murder has intent and birds don’t have intent, man. I think this is an animal control issue. That’s what I’ve been telling my partner this whole time. [pauses, laughs] I mean--

Bartender: Well, talking about your partner, where are they?

Hal: [no longer drunkenly slurring] What.

[laughing]

Charles: You say that sober!

Scottye: Yeah, I turn around and look at the booth that is now empty, parmesan cheese littered all over it.

Hal: [sounding drunk again] If you’ll excuse me. I gotta go.

Scottye: Then I get up and leave.

Charles: And then we cut to this scene of a few more cars coming over, security vehicles coming over the edge here as Agent Delaney is just being surrounded by security guards in this establishment.

Ash: Hello there! Oh. This… this is gonna be fun.

[Theme music]

Announcer: This has been a production of Loudspeaker Networks. For more on this and other programs, visit Loudspeaker.fm.