Episode 1 Carrion Hill Chapter 4/Transcript

This transcript is incomplete as of September 20, 2021.

[Intro music]

Announcer: This is Loudspeaker.

[Theme song: Vargtimmen by Da Sein]

Scottye: So I really like the last time we recorded, Charles was like, “We can’t wait too long in between recordings or else you guys will figure it out.” So we only waited two days. Fun fact, Charles, in those two days, I have forgotten damn near everything we’ve done. I know we attempted to kidnap the mayor and then I screamed at a man [laughs] and then I thought he dressed up in a T-Rex costume and killed a guy in cold blood.

Charles: That’s not, yeah, that’s basically it. That’s the podcast, folks.

Scottye: Okay, good, that’s all that happened. Excellent.

Megan: Yes, you did it.

Charles: I think, to start this episode, it’s 8 AM.

Scottye: Okay.

Charles: It’s 8 AM Wednesday morning.

Scottye: It is Wednesday, my dudes.

Charles: Hal is - “It is Wednesday my dudes”? That meme has not come out yet in our time frame. However it’s still very relevant because it is in fact Wednesday my dudes. How is Ash Delaney feeling after being really fucking drunk the night before? I think that’s where we start it.

Megan: Actually, what’s Hal doing right now?

Charles: Are you guys in the car?

Scottye: No, we have a hotel!

Megan: We were at the hotel.

Charles: Oh yeah, you guys had the hotel, that’s right. Right.

Scottye: I think Hal has a cup of orange juice and also a glass, a cup of coffee and is just reading the newspaper because he’s the most basic-ass bitch on the planet. He’s also [laughs] playing Snake on his Nokia to try to beat his own high score, which he will never reveal to the outside world.

Megan: So are you, you’re in your room?

Scottye: I assume we have the same room. I don’t think this place - Did we rent out literally [laughs] half of the rooms in this motel? I assume we just got a double room.

Charles: Yeah, I think you just got a single room with two beds or one bed and a couch. Whatever is better for you guys.

Scottye: Actually, no no no, I love the concept that we got the one with the pull-out couch and Hal was forced to sleep on the fucking couch. Assistant, baby!

Megan: Actually, no, Delaney gave you the bed actually.

Scottye: Okay.

Megan: Because, yeah no, Delaney gave you the bed because, on the grounds that they were like:

Megan as Ash: Oh, yeah no, you go ahead. You take that. I’m not really going to need to be doing any sleeping tonight. It’s fine. I’ll see you in a bit.

Megan: And so when you woke up in the morning to get your coffee and your orange juice, Delaney is already awake and waiting for you.

Scottye: That’s horrifying. [laughs]

Megan: Yup.

Scottye: I feel like I wake up and Delaney’s just staring at me wide-eyed.

Scottye as Hal: Buh - shit! ...Hi?

Megan: No, not star- that would be incredibly creepy, but they are in the other room on the pull-out couch, re-looking at the pictures on the digital camera.

Scottye: This is the nicest motel room. It’s got two whole-ass rooms in here. I’ve been to hotels that - anyways, okay, I walk into the living room.

Hal: What the hell are you doing up? It’s like 7 in the morning. Is that an early time?

Ash: Oh, you’ve decided to join us.

Hal: Yes.

Ash: Well, considering we went to bed at like 3.

Hal: [laughs] Oh yeah. I feel like you probably should have gotten some rest, given the whole drunk situation.

Ash: Oh yeah, no, I did, remember? I was asleep in the car. I had that very good power nap. That was honestly more than I usually get. That was downright luxurious for me. I’m doing fantastic! My head was pounding earlier but no, I’m great now. Ready and rarin’ to take on the day and go see Henry Wilson’s body before the mayor wakes up from the presumably horrendous hangover I imagine he has, and catches wind of my activities last night. Which is going to be a fun bridge to have to cross when we get there, so we should definitely get moving before it’s too late.

Hal: Look, let me just get my coffee. ...Ash.

Ash: Yes.

Hal: Why is there no coffee? Where’d the coffee go, Ash?

Ash: We can get more!

Scottye: [laughs] Just turn around to a table full of empty coffee cups!

[laughter]

Megan: There’s a table full of empty coffee cups. There’s also an empty punch-out tin-foil, or like a foil pack of pill thingy? Where you have to pop out-

Scottye: Oh shit!

Megan: Yeah, what do you call that?

Scottye: Okay. Uh. “Drugs” is what I call that.

Megan: No! [laughs] But where you have to pop the pills out of the little foil perforated…

Scottye: I feel like we all know what you’re discussing right now.

Charles: Yeah.

Megan: Okay, fine. There’s an empty “that” as well.

Hal: I see you had a night. Okay, yeah. We’ll talk about this later. Let’s go see that body.

[Door opens and closes.]

Charles: So I do want to do one quick thing before you go see the body. Because there is one other aspect of this game that I didn’t space but I feel like this is a good time for that. One of the things that this game does is it forces the Director to find moments that you two can have character conversations with each other, not necessarily about the story ahead.

[Door opens]

Charles: More so just time allotted for that. And this is one of those good moments. Said it’s 7 AM, the body’s not ready until 9. I want you guys to do a scene in a diner to try to get to know each other a little bit better. Cool?

Megan: I mean we… [laughs] Pretty sure Bishop hates me, but sure, why not.

Charles: So yeah, I think you both realize the time. You still have a little bit of time. The Pizza Bar is not open as of yet-

Scottye: [shouts] Damn it!

Megan: It’s the only food in town!

Charles: ’Cause it’s not 7, 24 hour - There’s two restaurants! I told you this. There are two restaurants. There’s the Pizza Bar and there’s a restaurant down the street. I think it’s named Jerry’s-

Scottye: Why would we pay attention to the other restaurant when the first restaurant is called the Pizza Bar?! [laughs] Why would we ever go into that other restaurant?

Charles: Because it’s called Jerry’s and it’s a Seinfeld-themed bar.

[laughter]

Scottye: You know! People in Alabama love them some ding-dang Seinfeld!

[Door opens]

Charles: [Laughs] No, no no no no. That’s a joke. It is called Jerry’s but I was just like, there’s some Weird things going on. It’s a nice little diner called Jerry’s.

Scottye: Charles, do you want to quickly change the name? ‘Cause “Jerry’s” is frighteningly close to “Cherry’s,” the place we went to in our exclusive episode you can listen to on Patreon.com.

Charles: You are absolutely right.

Megan: Good call.

Charles: It is called “Elaine’s.”

[laughter]

Scottye: Actually, given the fact that it’s Alabama, it may need to be called “Kramer’s.”

[laughter]

Charles: No.

Scottye: No!

Megan: I hate this. I fucking hate this.

Scottye: Okay, we go into Elaine’s. [sighs] I assume there’s a waitress there ready to berate me.

Charles: They’re very quiet there. You know some people from around town are in the restaurant. They’re kind of doing their thing. It’s the one place that you can really get restaurant food in town, so people are usually - it’s a busier place in the mornings. So they kind of throw down some stuff. It’s like the Waffle House. It’s all a bar, right?

Scottye: [sighs] Yeah.

Charles: So they have menus, they set them down with you real quick. They take your orders real fast. What do you guys eat?

Ash: I’ll take a coffee please.

Hal: One black coffee. And then also a waffle please.

Waiter: Alright.

Charles: And then the waiter writes that down, heads back into the restaurant, and leaves you two to have just a conversation.

Hal: Are you sure you don’t need anything else, like some carbohydrates or something to really soak up the toxins inside of you right now?

Ash: Mmm… Hm. Alright. Also, maybe some toast and two eggs. Yeah, there we go. That’s food. That sounds good.

Hal: You sound like you’re ordering a meal for the first time. Do you know what food is?

Ash: Yes, Bishop! I’m aware of the concept of food. Thank you.

Hal: Alright. Hm.

[Diner white noise. Distant music]

Hal: This music sucks. This is the worst music.

Scottye: Charles, edit in some doo-doo music behind us.

Charles: It’s Nickelback.

Scottye: [yelling] How dare you!

Ash: [shuddering] Ah. God.

Scottye: Hal Bishop hates Nickelback but I love Nickelback! This is a dark timeline for me!

Ash: Yes, this is absolutely trash music. Some would call it the worst music!

Hal: Um. Do you have a dollar or anything like that?

Ash: I don’t know. Maybe you could take it, make change from the forty dollars that you stole from me before we left.

Hal: I thought I rolled way too well for you to have noticed that. How do you know about that?

Ash: Oh, I rifled through your things while you were asleep. And also I mark all of my bills.

Hal: That explains the mustache on all of the presidents’ faces. Okay. Fine! I’ve got a dollar.

Scottye: And I walk over to the jukebox and I look down at it. I flip through the tracks and there’s an inappropriately large amount of Nickelback.

[laughter]

Scottye: Like it takes five minutes to get through the Nickelback section. And I finally scroll down a little bit and I look at it and I sigh heavily, because I realize that my Director here has - not my Director ‘cause that’s who you are. I realize that my partner has been up all night, probably working on this case while I was sleeping and they had to have been in pain so. I sigh. I press D5 and I walk back to the bar as Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5” starts playing.

[Music]

Ash: [laughs] Aw. [hums along to music]

[laughter]

Scottye: And then with my two other choices I pick some smooth jazz bullshit.

Charles: “Careless Whisper.”

[laughter]

Megan: Oh yeah.

Scottye: And then I play Tom Jones’s “It’s Not Unusual”...

Charles: I was expecting that with the character choice that you have made for your character voice here. But no, I think that’s great. I think- What happens? What do you, is that it? Is that the scene? ‘Cause that’s a great scene but you can continue it if you guys wanna talk more.

Scottye: I just walk back and then I give Delaney like, the smallest smile Hal can muster. I just needed a scene to prove that he’s not fully the worst human being on the planet!

Megan: He’s “the worst human being”? You’ve been saddled with a nightmare-human of [inaudible]

Ash: [humming along] We’re bonding! It’s happening!

Hal: Look, this is just one of those songs from when I was a kid. They used to sing it to me a lot. That’s it. That’s the only reason I know it. I don’t listen to old Dolly on the reg’. I just remember it from when I was a kid. They took us up on a trip to-

Ash: Who’s “they”? Your parents?

Hal: No? Just some people that were taking care of us. Took us, yeah, they took us down to Dollywood which was a trip and a half. It’s really kind of the one thing I remember from being a kid where I actually had a good time, which I did not expect.

Ash: I understand a bit about… rough childhood. You know, I…

Hal: Are you challenging me on this?!

Ash: No, no! I’m commiserating! We’re bonding, remember? I’m saying that I understand that that’s a thing, you know? This is what people do, right? This is how a conversation works? Empa- I’m empathizing! Bisho- Ugh. I’m sorry. Here. We can drink our coffee. We don’t have to talk anymore. I’m sorry.

Hal: No, it’s fine if you… just, whatever you have to say, you can say. It’s okay. I mean, it’s not exactly the normal way people bond at the beginning of their relationships or whatever this is, but… [laughs] This is the DOW. So I don’t exactly expect this to be normal.

Ash: Yeah, it rarely is. No, I was just saying that I understand where you're coming from. You know? That’s all. [pauses] I’m jealous you got to go to Dollywood.

Hal: Yeah, well, now that we’ve made this nice and awkward, how about we eat some waffles in silence while we drink coffee.

Ash: [hesitantly] If that’s what you would like, absolutely. Partner.